Saw the movie last night. I could totally relate. Ellen Page did such a great job of portraying a girl caught having to make decisions she's probably way too young to have to make. The movie was a comedy, and it was very funny, but I, of course, cried. More than once. Maybe it's because I remember how it felt to be in that situation. One scene, the dreaded "tell the parents" scene shows her dad saying, "I thought you were the kind of girl who knew when to say when." Juno responds with, "I don't really know what kind of girl I am."
See, that's the problem. I remember everyone being so shocked when it was announced that I was pregnant. "Nicole's not that kind of girl" but apparently I was, whatever that means. "She's way too young for this" wrong again! Then there was the "What are you going to do?" How was I supposed to know what I was going to do. Looking back on that time in my life it feels like it was a dream. Was there really a time when I wasn't excited about having my baby? When I actually prayed for a miscarrage? When I was so embarrassed to admit that I was not the "kind of girl" everyone thought I was? The answer is yes. There was a time when I would have given anything to change my "situation." I was so lost and scared. I knew that Ryan was by my side, but really, he didn't have to stay. As far as I knew, I was in this alone. Everyone can act supportive all they want, but it was my body that was changing in ways I wasn't ready to deal with. It was me who would forever be deemed the "unwed mother" or the "pregnant teenager". It was me who was stared at scornfully in the grocery stores. Me whom people would look at my left hand and when they didn't see a ring, shake their heads with dissapointment. Not just people who thought they knew what kind of girl I was, but complete strangers.
Well, I'm very lucky. I somehow found managed to fake my way around adulthood until I actually felt like an adult. Ok...Somethimes I still don't feel like an adult, but whatever. I'm also very lucky that Ryan and I have the family and friends we have. I rememer when I was delivering Brookyn hearing my mom outside crying. I remember Debbie teaching me how to bathe a baby. I remember my dad comming home from work several times a week with diapers, or clothes or some kind of treat. When Ryan and I didn't have a pot to pee in, we were lucky enough to have a great many houses to show up at for meals. Help getting new tires and car seats. Help babysitting so that we could try to make enough of a living to support ourselves. Not to mention the fact that we had such an amazingly resilient child. That girl has taken care of me more times that I want to admit.
Anyway, I loved the scene in the movie when she tells her parents. We had to go through that scene 3 times. And I think it got harder each time. Each of our parents handled the initial shock differantly, but with no less love. Harder still was adimiting it to our Grandparents, but there again, we were met only with love. I remember my Grandpa Kimball saying to me how lucky I was to be the one to make him a Great Grandpa. At a time when I was feeling lower than dirt, he did what he could to make me see how loved I really was. Everyone did. My Grandma Baker said, "I don't know whether to congratulate or yell at you. I feel like I should yell, but there is a part of me that is excited for a baby." Grandma Melb never showed any shock or anything. At least not to us. To us we felt as we always felt in her presence. Welcome, loved and unjudged. I remember a conversation with my Aunt Susan about whether I would nurse or not. She just asked matter of factly like there was nothing wrong with my "situation" which was nice. Aunt Danette had a long talk with me about how amazing it is to be a mom...and she's right.
Well, I don't really know where I'm going with this post. That movie just flooded me with memories. Memories of dissapointment, pain and joy. And the movie did such a great job at finding the humor. Anyway, it is rated R..and it should be. There are definatly some R rated comedy. But the underlying story really hit close to home. I give it 3 thumbs up!
P.S. I don't know what the deal is with Spell Check...but it's not working. Forgive me!
See, that's the problem. I remember everyone being so shocked when it was announced that I was pregnant. "Nicole's not that kind of girl" but apparently I was, whatever that means. "She's way too young for this" wrong again! Then there was the "What are you going to do?" How was I supposed to know what I was going to do. Looking back on that time in my life it feels like it was a dream. Was there really a time when I wasn't excited about having my baby? When I actually prayed for a miscarrage? When I was so embarrassed to admit that I was not the "kind of girl" everyone thought I was? The answer is yes. There was a time when I would have given anything to change my "situation." I was so lost and scared. I knew that Ryan was by my side, but really, he didn't have to stay. As far as I knew, I was in this alone. Everyone can act supportive all they want, but it was my body that was changing in ways I wasn't ready to deal with. It was me who would forever be deemed the "unwed mother" or the "pregnant teenager". It was me who was stared at scornfully in the grocery stores. Me whom people would look at my left hand and when they didn't see a ring, shake their heads with dissapointment. Not just people who thought they knew what kind of girl I was, but complete strangers.
Well, I'm very lucky. I somehow found managed to fake my way around adulthood until I actually felt like an adult. Ok...Somethimes I still don't feel like an adult, but whatever. I'm also very lucky that Ryan and I have the family and friends we have. I rememer when I was delivering Brookyn hearing my mom outside crying. I remember Debbie teaching me how to bathe a baby. I remember my dad comming home from work several times a week with diapers, or clothes or some kind of treat. When Ryan and I didn't have a pot to pee in, we were lucky enough to have a great many houses to show up at for meals. Help getting new tires and car seats. Help babysitting so that we could try to make enough of a living to support ourselves. Not to mention the fact that we had such an amazingly resilient child. That girl has taken care of me more times that I want to admit.
Anyway, I loved the scene in the movie when she tells her parents. We had to go through that scene 3 times. And I think it got harder each time. Each of our parents handled the initial shock differantly, but with no less love. Harder still was adimiting it to our Grandparents, but there again, we were met only with love. I remember my Grandpa Kimball saying to me how lucky I was to be the one to make him a Great Grandpa. At a time when I was feeling lower than dirt, he did what he could to make me see how loved I really was. Everyone did. My Grandma Baker said, "I don't know whether to congratulate or yell at you. I feel like I should yell, but there is a part of me that is excited for a baby." Grandma Melb never showed any shock or anything. At least not to us. To us we felt as we always felt in her presence. Welcome, loved and unjudged. I remember a conversation with my Aunt Susan about whether I would nurse or not. She just asked matter of factly like there was nothing wrong with my "situation" which was nice. Aunt Danette had a long talk with me about how amazing it is to be a mom...and she's right.
Well, I don't really know where I'm going with this post. That movie just flooded me with memories. Memories of dissapointment, pain and joy. And the movie did such a great job at finding the humor. Anyway, it is rated R..and it should be. There are definatly some R rated comedy. But the underlying story really hit close to home. I give it 3 thumbs up!
P.S. I don't know what the deal is with Spell Check...but it's not working. Forgive me!
4 comments:
Nicole, It is great to hear your thoughts on this. You have done a wonderful job and you have a beautiful family. I remember grandma and grandpa telling me you were pregnant and I never had any negative thoughts towards you. Just love and concern. You are so great! And you have beutiful girls!
I admire you so much as a mother! Honestly, Jeff and I talk often about what an amazing job you've done with your girls. Thanks for sharing this story. It's funny because I didn't know you then and I've never thought of your family situation as strange of different. Funny what time does to our perspectives.
I admired your strength and courage then, and still so today. You handled motherhood at 19 with the grace that I struggle for at 29. Thanks for your thoughts and for being such a great "mommy" example to me.
Oh, your post made my cry. You are such a great mom to your girls and such a great friend to everyone you know. I don't know a single person who doesn't admire and love you. So way to go for beating the odds!
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